So, last Friday I blew up. I do from time-to-time, and then I usually let it out in words. Sometimes verbally, sometimes on a page. In Friday's case, it was on a page - a virtual page on an internet blogging site. I spoke my mind, said my piece and was ready to walk away.
When one of the other characters in the drama apologized last evening and I saw it (about seven o'clock or so, here), I thanked her. I gave credit where it is due because, as I said last night, it takes courage to admit when we've stepped over the line.
Thinking about it again this morning, though, I have to confess that I sort of misspoke. I said it took courage to admit when we're wrong. However, I need to amend that statement because, in the overall scheme of the situation, she wasn't wholly wrong. Misguided is, perhaps, a better word. She took a bit of fluff more seriously than it should have been. No matter.
I thank her again, today, for taking down what bothered me. I thanked her last night, too, by posting my acceptance on both the thread I had left on the site, and on a new one titled the same as last night's post. However, when I was posting my thanks on the site last night, I noticed a new post on the thread that's caused such controversy. I looked.
'Tag-a-long' posted another picture in the same vein. To me, that's pathetic. It's an obvious cry for attention, the 'me, too!' bellow of an insecure child seeking equal attention. A bit sad, actually, when viewed in that light.
Now, I could restir that pot, but I won't. I'll let it sit and it will, eventually sink to the bottom where it belongs.
But this raises another interesting point. Some believe that if you wannabe anything in this world, you should not blog or opine about anything that might be considered controversial or confrontational on a public forum. Some agent or editor or someone might see it and it might be off-putting. That thought came to me even before I hit the 'Post' button on Friday's diatribe and that got me to thinking.
I've thought about it all weekend, since Friday, and I don't buy it. When someone hires me as a writer, or as an EA or as anything else, they're getting the whole shebang - opinions and all. It's a bit like asking someone, particularly someone of strong will and passion, to stop breathing.
Now, if I were writing apocalyptic nonsense, threats of some kind or some sort of manifesto then, yes, they should absolutely take pause and consider. At that point they should probably call the cops.
I am passionate. I feel strongly about things. I have opinions and I speak my mind. Sometimes I'm wrong or ill-informed, other times I'm not. Sometimes I have to retract or apologize, and I never shrink from doing so - when I think it's needed or warranted. And, based on past experience, I don't think I'm unreasonable in that decision making process. If it's wrong, it's wrong and I can usually see it. If not, whack me over the head a couple of times and see if I can be made to change my mind.
Aside from that, however, before I am a 'wannabe' anything - a writer, successful in whatever I attempt, the best damned EA on the face of the planet or anything else, I am a human being. God or Nature gave me a brain and I've figured out how to use it. For me to sublimate my passions, my beliefs, who I am for fear of hurting someone's feelings or offending their sensibilities raises an interesting question: Who is right in that case?
Have I not the right and freedom to express myself? Or do they (whoever they are) have a greater right to dictate terms about how I live and think and speak?
Within the philosophy of 'Thou shalt not speak thy mind' lies a contradiction. According to that, I have no rights while they have all the rights. After all, if I do write or speak about what I think is right or wrong, brilliant to stupid, they might retaliate by not hiring me or by not buying my books.
If I allow 'everyone' else - probably no more than a few as a percentage of all humanity, really - to dictate terms about how I live and speak and act because I might anger or offend them, what does that say about me? What does it say about the solidity of my beliefs and convictions? If I am so afraid of the opinions of others that I hold back my own, how strong are they? Beyond that, what does it say about how I view myself?
I don't take myself that lightly. I'm not serious about myself, either because
that's too much. But I do respect myself.
It has taken me many years, most of my adult life, actually, to be able
to say that, and to mean it. There's a lot of garbage behind that, but
in the past ten years or so, I have come to respect myself. To think
well of myself, and I am not going to let anyone - not a single person
on this planet - take that away from me. Which I would if I were to
accept the idea that speaking out, plainly and honestly from my point
of view is somehow wrong.
It is an interesting wrestling match, though. Do as "they" say and I betray myself. Do as I want, I risk censure and oblivion (if I were ever to reach a point where anyone is paying attention and they take umbrage). Still, given who I am, the strength of my feelings and beliefs, I would have to turn myself inside out and tie myself up in knots not to speak my mind - and I am incapable of doing any such thing.
So I won't.
I will do as I want, as I feel is right and as I am driven, within the confines of decency and decorum - with the occasional side trip to Vulgarity when the mood / need arises. I am, first and foremost, me. After that I am everything else. Until those roles reverse and I place more importance on the Everything Else than on the Me, I shall continue as I have.
Glad we've straightened that out.
Hope your day is lovely!
Best~
Philippa
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories
No comments:
Post a Comment