Simple Gifts

'Simple Gifts' from Aaron Copeland's 'Appalachian Spring' is one of my all-time favorite pieces of music.

Following yesterday's post, I kept thinking about it, about what generated it, what I said, what was said to me and blah, blah, blahdee blah-blah. The result of my musings is the conclusion that people are very lucky when others step up and say, 'hey, wait a minute!'

When someone has the courage to do that, it's a gift, a very great and powerful one because it takes courage, a great deal of courage to call someone out. Particularly when addressing someone you don't know, whom you've only met online.

It's a risk, potentially a big one because you don't know how the recipient will react - whether they'll accept or lash back. Even when your intentions are the best, perception is everything in the vacuum of the internet.

And it is a vacuum. Even though the words are sent out into the universe at large, I don't know where they'll land, who will see them, who will care or who they'll affect. Neither does anyone else have that knowledge. So having someone reach back and say, 'that was wrong' or 'that was great' or 'insightful' or anything else is a gift.

Another gift is the humanity and the humility to be able to say, 'you were right, I was wrong, thank you'. I say this in the purest of general terms - not because I was driven to apologize for having a momentary lapse, but because my situation made me think in a broader, all-inclusive perspective.

For someone to have the courage and the decency to look at oneself frankly, to admit when they're wrong is, as far as I know, a uniquely human characteristic. Not all humans have the ability or the willingness to do that - to accept that they're fallible and able to err. Some people I know don't, others do, and that is where the divide falls. That is where the gift is given.

Not long ago I was in a situation where a group in which I was participating was asked to do something and I was the one given the task of implementing it, which I did. A week later, after having done this, we got together again and the leader of our group said 'hey! what's up with this?' in a not particularly pleasant tone. Naturally, I felt as if I was to blame but no one among the larger group stood up for me and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' I was left hanging out to dry and I resented it.

In an ideal situation, one or another of the group who heard the first direction would have stepped forward right then and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' on their own. That would have encouraged another to join in and right the wrong being perpetrated. No one did, though. I bore the brunt of it and felt hurt and angry and resentful.

Afterward, after considering options and possible results, I sent a message back to the two people who I would have expected would be the ones to step forward and say the 'hey, wait a minute'. In my message, I expressed myself clearly and forcefully, I left nothing I wanted to say unsaid (except the swear words which wouldn't have added anything but spleen and rudeness).

From one I got an apology, which was nice. From the other, a step farther.

My message, originally directed only to the two, was sent to the individual who had stirred my pot. I genuinely do not know what the motivation for forwarding my words to this person were - whether they were a genuine admission of having screwed up, or if there was another motive (to cause me trouble).

But no matter because the end result was a gift.

I received, addressed to the entire group who was present, an apology. That took courage. A great deal of courage and of decency, and it's a lesson well learned.

Never be above admitting when you're wrong. Never be above saying 'I'm sorry' because you do not know, you cannot know how what you did or said affects the other person. It might be a little, it might be a lot.

Saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't undo the wrong or remove the sting or cure the embarrassment. It doesn't change the fundamental, but it is a gift and a great one to bestow because it takes both humanity and humility.

I thank, with a full and open heart, the person who pointed out to me my error and I again sincerely apologize for causing offense. I will try to do better. I will certainly do no worse.

Best~
Philippa

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