Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickerin brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee
Wi' murd'ring pattle!
I'm truly sorry Man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion
Which makes thee startle,
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!
I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daamen-icker in a thrave
'S a sma' request:
I'll get a blessin' wi' the lave,
An' never miss 't!
Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
It's still wa's the win's are strewin!
An naething, now, to big a new ane,
O' foggage green!
An' bleak December's winds ensuin,
Baith snell an' keen!
Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
An' weary Winter comin fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro' thy cell.
That wee-bit heap o' leaves an' stibble
Has cost the monie a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the Winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld!
But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
Still, thou art blest, compar'd wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An' forward tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173072
It's this line that's stuck through the ages:
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
In other words - even in the best laid plans of mice and men shit happens. Wheels fall off. Things go sideways and, these past few days, I'm facing a plethora of wheels falling off and shit happening. It is what I call a Cosmic Convergence where the whirlwind of the cosmos seems to be wrapping itself around me, throwing things at me from all directions.
I got a frantic e-mail from hubby yesterday about our aged cat, Sam.
This picture was taken a few years ago, when he was about fifteen. Yesterday, at going on nineteen, he "exploded" from both ends several times, leaving a path of destruction through the house. Then he spent much of the afternoon moaning and crying.
It looked like the Time Had Come for my last little fur-baby and it broke my heart even though he is nineteen years old and it's not unexpected. It is, after all, the eventual outcome for anything that lives.
After getting the frantic phone call and then going back and forth with my asking for hubby to wait and then rethinking because I didn't want Sam to suffer for a minute if he didn't have to, we decided to wait. Hubby decided to wait and I was forty miles a way at work so unable to figure if it was a good decision or a bad, but figured I'd find out when I got home.
By then, at six o'clock last night, Sam was better. He was sleeping and seemed normal all last evening. I watered him - standing at the sink so he could drink from the palm of my hand. I fed him and he ate. It all seemed okay. Which leads us to wonder what led to that. Whatever. It's resolved so now it's a matter of starting forward from here.
At work, I was frustrated because I have something on my desk that I want resolved (dammit!). I've been trying for a week to meet with the people who will decide but every time we have something set up, something else more critical comes along and bumps it. On top of the kitty-crisis yesterday, having this meeting bumped again (fourth time), drove me to the edge of the cliff. I whined. Just like a petulant five-year old. Which I try hard not to do at work or anywhere else. It's so unattractive!
Fortunately, the "whinee" is understanding and, after whining and fussing I went down and apologized, explaining the frustration and everything. He empathized and we're good. The Respect-o-meter took a downward swing, but it's not irreparable. We'll meet today and get it done and I'll be happy.
On top of and associated with that, I have a vendor waiting for an answer - and they have been waiting for more than a week on something that should be, in most cases, easily solved and/or answered. Between the internal (direction/clarity) and the external (vendor) I feel like I'm caught in the middle - a place I don't like to be. That contributed to the whine (or whinge, depending on which side of the Pond you happen to be).
Outside and apart from this I discovered something very unpleasant the other day. It's really, really unwelcome information. It is a big sloppy wet hairball of a mess, and there isn't a bloody thing I can do about it. I can't even write and rant about it. All I can do is internalize it - something else I'm not good at doing.
I did put up a post on Facebook about it, then had second thoughts and took it down again. Maybe I should talk it out in the privacy of my car on my drives to and from work until it's out of my system... Now there's an idea. Just verbalize it in a place where no one can hear, no one will know and I can express my frustration to its fullest extent.
And the more I think about this, the more I want to stomp my feet, flail my arms and then fling myself to the floor and indulge in a full-on temper tantrum. There are just some things in life that aren't fair. They're unfair and when there's nothing you can do about it - feeling like a fly stuck in amber - all you can do is rage. But, with things going the way they are, I'd probably hurt myself. Knock my head or hit something while I flail and have yet another misery to add to the pile gathering around my knees.
Then, compounding all of that, is that I'm simply grouchy. Grouchy because a few years ago I lost a lot of weight - about forty pounds. I didn't do the fad diet thing. I didn't do anything but slow my eating to a graze, get a little more exercise and so on. Now I feel like it's all coming back. I lost it and now it's finding me again and I am not happy.
Part of it is, I think, my thyroid malfunctioning. I had thyroid problems in my early twenties and was on meds for it for about ten years, then I got preggers. That solved that for some reason and I haven't had problems since. Now, though, the weight gain, low energy, dry skin, hair is doing weird things all seem to point in the direction of the base of my throat.
Which isn't necessarily the end of the world. It just means I have to be more careful about what I eat (and how much), get more veggies and flax, more protein and less fat. But it's a nuisance. I'm hoping I can solve this without the meds because I won't even take my vitamins let alone 'scrips.
So, grr. Ah well, c'est la vie, c'est la guerre - all of this shall pass and then it'll be something else.
I hope you have a grouch-free, grump-free wonderful day! Me? I'm gonna go have that tantrum.
Best~
Philippa
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