Chow Mein Sunday

This has been a good Sunday.

I slept well last night, woke up reasonably early, and got started. Got the laundry going, emptied the dishwasher, got my mother-in-law’s pills done for the week, took care of the cat, made the bed and was ready to start cooking up my stir-fry by eight o’clock. After getting the cooking done, I spent several hours editing and writing before starting this. Which is why this is being posted so late in the day.

I'm looking forward to eating pork chow mein for lunch this week. It is really good! Yep – I cheated and had some. The best part of it is that it cost me about $11 to make, but I’ve got plenty for at least ten or eleven meals. At a buck a meal, that’s pretty good value. It’s great being a cheap date!

In case you’re interested (this recipe takes less time to write than it does to make), here’s how I did it. That’s a bit like:

Only it’s better.

One pack chow mein noodles

One pork tenderloin about four pounds, slivered (1/4-inch thick strips)

One head (head, not clove) of garlic, peeled.

Two medium sweet onions, chunked

Three small fresh jalapeno peppers, sliced (optional)

Two red bell peppers, seeded and chunked

Ten large mushrooms, chunked

Two baby bok choy

Six stalks of celery, chopped and soaked

Bamboo shoots, one can, drained well

Salt – just a little, for the meat

White pepper, to taste

Turmeric, to taste (because it’s really, really good for you!)

Chinese Five Spice, to taste

Powdered cloves, to taste

Vietnamese Garlic Sauce

Soy Sauce

Sesame oil (this is for flavor)

Peanut oil (this is for cooking)

Yeah, it’s a lot of prep, but with how much this makes and how good it tastes, it’s worth it. Get out a lot of small bowls. One for each veggie that’s big enough to hold as much of that veggie as you’re going to make. It makes dealing with the cooking easier if everything is separated before you start. You’ll also need a great big bowl to hold all of this stuff as you go and once it’s all cooked. You’ll also need a big kettle or stockpot because this is pretty much a one pot meal. Except for the bowls, those are extra.

Before we get started, just so you know, I don’t follow recipes. I like to be creative so I fly by the seat of my pants. The worst case scenario is that it probably won’t kill me. Everything I add is edible and it will probably still be edible when I’m done.

Given the edibility of everything, I’m not going to measure or suggest how much of anything to use because this is your deal, not mine. You need to cook this so you like it because, unless you invite me for dinner, you’re going to eat this. So you’re on your own with the measuring.

When I say ‘spice’ I mean add as much or as little as you like. If you want to use something other than I’ve listed here, go for it. Okay, we got that?

First, cook the noodles in oiled and salted water (the little bit of oil, about two tablespoons worth – and I use olive oil – keeps the pasta from sticking together). Keep an eye on them and stir them a few times. They cook quickly, about five minutes. Once they’re cooked, dump them into a colander or large sieve and rinse them under cold water, then let them drain while you do the rest of the stuff. I just leave them in the colander on top of a plate. They’ll dry, but that’s okay because no one likes soupy chow mein.

Next, because it’s easy, open and drain the bamboo shoots. Just cut the lid off the can, hold the lid in place, leaving a gap, and drain them. No need to waste a sieve or strainer for them. Just get as much of the liquid off as you can, without making a production out of it (if there’s a little left, that’s okay).

I prep the veggies first, so I’m not doing the veggie-prep (like a new dance move) on a board on which I’ve prepped the raw meat. That’s icky.

Peel the garlic head and separate the cloves of garlic. Take one clove at a time and lay the blade of a large kitchen knife flat on top of it. Keep the blade flat with the cutting edge away from you so you don’t cut your hand. Smack each clove sharply. If you do it right, you won’t demolish the garlic clove (it’ll taste the same if you do, but it’s better not to), but it will burst the skin making it easier to peel. Peel them and put them in a bowl.

To chunk onions, peel them (like, DUH!). Trim the top and root. Cut it in half, through the axis. Take one half and lay it flat. Cut it in half across the middle. Turn the halves together, keeping them flat, and cut those two halves three times so you end up with six sections. Those are chunks. That’s how you do it. Do the other half and the other onion and put them into a bowl.

Next, chunk the red peppers. Slice the seeded bell peppers along the seams. Finish cleaning them out and then slice each section into three strips, then cut the strips crosswise, in half. They are chunked. Put ‘em in a bowl and set ‘em aside.

If you’re adding the jalapenos, use rubber or plastic gloves to handle them. As you probably know, you do not want jalapeno juice on your fingers or hands. Even if you don’t have a cut, it can irritate your skin and if you get it in your eyes, I swear – you will wish you had never been born! Slice ‘em and put them in a bowl. Wash the rubber gloves with soap and get rid of them.

Wash the mushrooms and trim the bottom of the stem. Cut each mushroom into chunks. You’re on your own because I don’t know if you like big chunks or little ones and, since you’re eating this, do as you will. Put them into a bowl (are you seeing the theme here?).

Rinse the bok choy well. Peel the leaves and clean the bases, wash the tops. I like the stem part, not the leaf part, so I usually cut the tops of the leaves, keeping most of it but getting rid of the tops. Slice the bigger stems into two or three strips. Get a bowl and…

Trim the tops and bottoms of the celery stalks and slice them into pieces as large or as small as you like. I just cut them across the stem, about 1/2-inch or so wide. Now this, because I like crispy celery, is where I add water to the bowl in which these are going to wait.

A way of keeping celery fresh for longer is to stand it up in a pitcher and add fresh water before you stick it in the refrigerator. You know those stringy things inside celery stalks? Those are tubes and water gets sucked up inside, making the stalks crisper. Like a straw you used to play with when you were a kid. This is the same idea while the celery hangs around, waiting for its turn in the pan.

Now, spend a bit of quality time with your meat. Slice it and dice it until you end up with a bunch of strips about 1/4-inch on a side and a few inches long. I keep the 12 quart stockpot in which all of this is going to be cooked handy and just toss the slices in as I go.

This is a rare time when I use salt. Not a lot – just a little.  Put the kettle on the burner and turn it on. Pork has a lot of water in it, so you don’t need to add oil or water or anything just yet. Cook it on medium low. It’s pork, so you have to cook it all the way through and slow is better. Salt it and let it go for a few minutes, stirring whenever you feel like it.

I like spices, so I’ll add some white pepper, turmeric, powdered cloves, and Chinese five spice at this point. I’ll also add some of the sesame oil because I like the flavor. Just add a little. The goal is not to grease this pig. It’s just to add the taste of the sesame oil.

Once the meat starts to brown and you’ve turned it a couple of times, put a lid on it for a few minutes. Let the seasoning cook into the meat until the meat is done through.

Spoon the meat out of the pan, leaving the liquid behind, and put the meat into that great big bowl I asked you to get out and set it aside. Pour the liquid from the pan, right down the sink and put the pan back on the burner, turn the heat to medium.

Put a little peanut oil into the pan and let it warm up. When it thins, spread it around and toss in the garlic cloves. Let them cook, stirring a couple of times, and add the jalapenos.

Cook those for a couple of minutes (you want to take some of the garlic out of the garlic and some of the heat out of the jalapenos, so be patient).

Toss the onion into the pan and let that cook for a few minutes, stirring.

Drain the celery and add it, cooking for another couple of minutes. Add some more spices, however much you feel like and stir it all up. Let it cook for a couple of minutes, stirring. Once you’re happy with the way these are cooked, take them from the pan and add them to the meat and stir it up so the flavors blend.

Add a little more peanut oil to the pan – you don’t want to get crazy, just add enough to keep the ‘shrooms and peppers from sticking. Add the ‘shrooms and get them started. Once they’ve had a minute or two and you’ve stirred them around, add the red bell peppers and go for another three or four minutes, until the peppers start to look cooked. Splash some soy sauce over them, maybe add some more spice if you feel like it, and cook them for a bit longer.

Once you’re happy with the way they look, dump in the bok choy. You don’t want to cook this to death – it’s good to have some texture when you’re done, so go easy. Just cover the pan for about a minute or a minute-and-a-half, and then take the lid off. Pour back in all the other stuff you’ve already cooked, except the noodles, and stir it up.

Add about two or three tablespoons of the Vietnamese Garlic Sauce – it’s potent so if you don’t like heat, use a little less – maybe one or two, but it’s good stuff so be brave and at least add some! Mix it in well and let everything blend together for a couple of minutes, stirring so the heat gets mixed through.

Add a bit more soy sauce and cook it for another minute, still stirring.

When you think it’s done, start spooning this creation out, into that great big bowl that’s big enough to hold it all, letting the liquid drain off, back into the pot. Don’t get rid of this liquid – you’re going to cook the noodles in it for a couple of minutes.

Once all the veggies and the meat are in the bowl, let the sauce in the pan cook down for a minute or two. Add the noodles and heat them up. After a minute or two, turn them over. They’re going to be solidified into whatever shape the colander had, so just treat it like a pancake and do your best to flip it over. Try to separate them a little once they heat, but don’t re-cook them.

Once the liquid is absorbed, pour the meat and veggie mixture back into the pot and mix it all together. When it’s heated through, take it out and put it into that bowl you have that’s big enough for everything and, except for the clean-up, you’re done.

So that’s how I did it. I hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful time trying this recipe. Better still, I hope you enjoy it!

Best~

Philippa

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories