I got a strong start on NaNo this past week. As of today, I'm over 8,000 words into the story but in the past couple of days the spark has gone out. The story I've been writing just isn't exciting me, and I'm having second thoughts about the commitment of NaNo.
This morning, for instance, I woke up. I thought about getting out of bed and writing, and had no interest. None. Instead, I started thinking about the other stories I have perking:
'In A Green and Shady Place' - 80% complete except for a solid edit with which I'm about 50% done.
'The Weight of Air' - 80% complete except for a solid edit that I need to start.
'Genevieve's Piano' - about 70% complete, needing some re-writing and a solid edit
'Elizabeth's Braid - Book Four: Geoffrey' - about 60% complete. I'm thinking about re-working the storyline so it's the courtroom scene into which the primary story is interwoven, instead of being linear with the crime committed, the retaliation, and the trial in series.
'Elizabeth's Braid - Book One: Melissa' - about 40% complete but a story I'm thinking of completely scraping and re-doing because it's so wildly over-written (hey, it was my first book, so it's understandable).
'Elizabeth's Braid' - Books Two (Stephen) and Three (Robby) - both are "complete" but need some serious attention once I get Books One and Four re-written because those will affect these.
'Downlander' is a really great story - but it's out of control. It's like Godzilla. It started little and cute and grew into a monster, so I need to give that one a lot of thought and attention, to figure out how to wrangle it back into control. No matter what I do, it's going to be a multi-book saga. It's just a question of how many books and where to break the story.
'Matters of Friendship' - another good story. It's complete in rough-draft form, but needs a lot of work and re-working to make the story really stand up.
The sequel to 'Laurentina's Lessons' that I've gotten started and know where I want to go, but that I haven't worked on for several months while I've worked on other things.
See? I have a lot of other irons in the fire and what I'm working on now is, quite frankly, not interesting me.
The bright spot is 'Laurentina's Lessons'. That one is complete and ready to go, pending other things, like personal freedom and avoidance of sharing royalties with someone who has never once encouraged my writing or supported me, read a syllable or said anything kind. But that's another story, entirely.
In the meantime, going back to 'Two Graves', there is good potential there. I know there is, but I am just not engaged in the story and I think that's because I'm so distracted by everything else on which I could be working. Every time I start working on 'Two Graves', thoughts poke their heads in, whispering about one of those other stories.
Today is only November 7th. I did work this morning and I got another few hundred words written, pushing me above 8,200.
Nick has just woken up in the hospital. He's still groggy enough not to realize that his leg has been amputated and I've just revealed that Walt has had lustful thoughts about Sheryl since even before he got Daphne into a prone position on a blanket. I like these characters. I think they're engaging and complex enough to be interesting, so it's not that. I really don't know what it is.
There are still twenty-three days left in the month. Since no one is going to take me out and shoot me if I don't finish the 50,000 words for NaNo and, since I could potentially quiet the voices by working on the other stories, I could set 'Two Graves' to the side this weekend and work on something that is more interesting to me. But then, will I end up feeling guilty for not fulfilling the commitment I made?
And that opens the door to a stray thought. 50,000 words is the goal. Just writing 50,000. Now, the concept is that you'll spend one month working on achieving 50,000 words in "a" story. Why one? Why not 10,000 here and 6,000 there and 14,000 over there and 10,000 in that and 10,000 in this? Poetic license or creative accounting, perhaps, but why not?
As for guilt, yeah, at least a little. Maybe even a lot. After all, I did what a lot of other people did and I "bragged" that I was participating. Is there shame in not finishing? Yes, because I have "committed" and because I said I would. But really? In the overall scheme of my life and living is this going to make or break me? No. Out of all the other participants, half or more aren't going to finish either.
Nearly 1,700 words each and every day for an entire month is a lot of words. Honestly, when I said I would do it, I had no idea just how huge a commitment it is. It's a gigantic commitment of time and energy and I had no idea whatsoever until I starting really thinking about it.
If I type one thousand words in an hour and 750 of those words are usable, coherent and engaging I would net 750 words per hour. In ten hours I'm at 7,500 words. Over the course of seven days at 7,500 words per day, I'd be at 52,500 words, and that's doing nothing else whatsoever for ten hours a day for a solid week.
Who has seventy hours in any given month in which life and other things don't impinge? I work forty hours a week. I commute ten hours a week. I have a family. I have commitments. I have errands. I have a lot of other things going on, so to block seventy hours from my other life is a tremendous challenge.
With all that said, am I giving up? No. I don't think I am. I think I'm just stepping back and taking a long look while weighing options.
Another fact is that just because I don't finish the 50,000 words this month, it doesn't mean what I do will go away. It will still be there on my computer, so I can pick that thread up another time.
God, I hate conundrums like this. I hate 'should I / shouldn't I' and waffling and indecision. It's a waste of time and energy. In short, it is annoying.
So, that means I have to figure it out and get on with it. I just wish I could. But, with that said and after having written all of this, my navel contemplation has been successful. I have reached a conclusion.
Instead of screwing around and spreading myself thinner than I already am with everything I've got started and halfway finished, I'm going to stop. I'm going to set 'Two Graves' to the side and am going to commit and focus on something in which I've already invested a lot of time.
I am going to go back and finish 'Shady' with a determined eye. Then I'm going to move onto 'The Weight of Air' so I can finish that and move on to something else.
Problem solved. Now, I hope you have a conundrum-free day and with no navel contemplation required.
Best~
Philippa
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