I really do love my writer's groups. They are so supportive and encouraging. I said I was 'feeling guilty' for having bailed on NaNo as quickly as I did, and almost immediately got scolded, told it isn't necessary.
I know it's not. And that's why I said I'm not wearing it. I will not wrap myself in the Guilt flag and parade anywhere. Starting and finishing were both personal choices based on where I was at the time.
Where this feeling comes from, and I do think 'guilt' is the wrong word for it, is from having said I would do something and not doing it. I don't like it when someone commits to do something and doesn't follow through, and I especially don't like it when I've made a commitment and don't follow through. That's the failure. Nothing more, nothing less. I committed - promised if you will - and didn't do it. That's the hair shirt that's rubbing me the wrong way.
As for NaNo, I have zero regrets. I tried something new. They kept shoving 'rah-rah' pom poms up my nose along the lines of persistent messages of 'You can do it! We have faith!' I hate 'rah-rah' crap. It's impractical and annoying, so that bugged me because every time I logged into the site there were another couple of messages. Honestly, it makes me want to rip their pom poms out of their hands, pluck the stupid things bald and shove 'em back.
Encouragement is all well and good, if it's purposeful. A broadcast message of 'we're cheering for you' really isn't much of anything except a waste of time, energy and attention on both sides. Don't need it, don't like it, so there.
So. Enough about that.
We're having another Water Falling From The Sky event here. We got a little yesterday and more today and it's lovely. Not lovely enough that I want to go out and wander down the street in it as I did a few weeks ago, but it's nice to sit here and look out and see the street is wet.
Naturally there have been accidents. People just do not understand that when it's raining the roads are slick. One woman died because she was speeding and lost control, swerving into the other lane and being hit. Another was, according to the CHP, trying to 'drift' and lost control. And those were just local in Sonoma County.
It's been long enough since I've driven in the rain that even though I know better, I got a little carried away on my way in this morning. Going around one curve I felt the back end of the car slipping around. I wasn't even going particularly fast, but I felt it start to slide. Accelerated a little (front-wheel drive) and then, once it was back under control, I slowed down even more. Made it safely and in one piece, but it was a warning.
Yesterday hubby and I got to the next-to-the-last of the house clearing out. We got the attic done and MAN, am I too old for this! Most of it was hands and knees stuff because the ridgeline is not where the stuff was stacked. It was along the edges, between the rafters so I spent hours stooped over or crawling. Lifting, shifting and moving heavy boxes in that position is torture.
I have a greater appreciation and respect for miners after that. The only good news is that yesterday was cool and rainy. I still spent a couple of hours feeling like I was stuck in a sauna on high, but I hate to think how much worse it would have been if it had been a mild day, or worse - warm. And it was nice, really nice, to be able to hear the tapping of rain on the shingles while I worked. Like Chopin's 'Raindrop Prelude' without the piano.
Still I was really warm and only the fear of fiberglass fibers kept my shirt on (imagine Bridget Bardot in her prime - it's far more attractive than reality). But, while I was crawling and stooping and shifting and grunting (yes, some of those boxes were REALLY heavy), I was wondering why it is that home builders don't insulate the spaces between the rafters immediately under the roof.
That extra layer of insulation would probably help keep the house cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter and the exercise of installing it wouldn't be that hard. A net membrane or breathable fabric stretched between the rafters to hold the insulation strips in place would do it. But, that's just how my mind works while my body is doing something else entirely.
What's astonishing is how much crap we had jammed in there. No wonder finding things or getting them out was well nigh impossible! Old chrome framed modular furniture that had been broken down into its constituent parts. Our daughter's old crib and mattress (why we kept the mattress for twenty some years is beyond me). Box after box after box of toys and stuffed animals. A whole lot of stuff (read: junk) but most of it is now down in the garage slated to be pitched or donated.
What halfway surprises me is that the roof didn't come crashing down from all that weight. Particularly during the earthquake we had a few months back. It didn't though, so that's good.
Now I need to call my daughter. We found a box of Legos and a little chair that doubles as a stool and some other things we think her new baby might be able to use. In the case it's more a matter of first refusal than anything. They're planning on moving out of state because they can't find anyplace affordable to live around here and job opportunities are much more prevalent up in Washington. They may not want this stuff, but we'll offer it up and see.
After yesterday, I am stiff and sore this morning. I managed not to whack my head on anything but did catch my shoulder, my arm, my hip, my thigh and various other body parts. I have a couple of bruises and sore muscles - stooping over for two hours is not my usual posture and I'm feeling the effects of it today. Despite the super-duper ibuprofen I took last night and the valium to help keep my muscles from tightening up I am still not entirely comfortable today.
One thing about being in an auto accident from which you walk away, the medics give you lots of good stuff that sometimes comes in handy. These are leftovers from last year when I got rear-ended and was diagnosed with 'severe whiplash'. I only took a couple in the days immediately after the accident, and since I don't pop pills at every excuse, I have these in my dresser drawer for when I really, really need them. Last night was one such time and I am very grateful to have them. I slept well, which is what I needed most.
Now, with life more or less back to normal, I'm going to wrap this up and starting thinking about the changes I want to make to 'Shady' to get it finished. That goal is still two months off - I've set the time, with plenty of time between now and then so there won't be loads of pressure. Let's see if I can make that commitment stick!
In any case, I hope you have a lovely day!
Best~
Philippa
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