I'm pissed off and depressed and anxious and all sorts of other messy things. So much so that I have taken a couple of days away from writing. As in I have done NO writing in the past few days - and for me that's a lot like holding my breath until I turn purple.
There were the vermin in Paris last week, and the babbling cacophony that's followed ever since.
There have been declarations that I am "ignorant" because I do not take a moderate view toward vermin like those who promulgate and perpetrate such acts. Well, I've got news for those who say that: I have never declared myself to be a scholar on the subject. But I read and I assimilate the information I read and I form opinions and attitudes. And I have just as much right to express my view and opinion as anyone else. But there are some who disagree that I have that right. It appears, based on what was written and exchanged between me and the two in particular, unless I am in precise lockstep with their view of the world, I and others like me should just STFU.
Farther out on the tree limb are the people like the man in Virginia who's all over the news yesterday and today. A public hearing regarding construction of a new mosque and he's standing there accusing everyone who's a Muslim of being in league with the vermin of ISIS. Now there is ignorance. It is as stupid and blind and nasty as saying that all white people are card carrying KKK members, or all blacks are members of the Black Panthers or that all Asians run dry cleaning establishments or restaurants. It's ignorant, insulting and, as I said above, downright stupid.
However, it is based on fear so while it is decidedly wrong, there is at least a handle to grasp for understanding. It's a tiny little thing, a barely there protrusion of a handle, and once the heat of this moment passes I sincerely hope the individual who said such hateful things will see the error of his ways and recant. I also hope that the people to whom this idiot directed his remarks will take the high road, that they see his fear and lack of understanding for what it is: ignorance. As unpleasant as it is, at least ignorance of something can be overcome by education.
There is the wider worry of who is coming across our borders. Eight Syrian men were caught in Texas the other day. Five were caught in Honduras with stolen Greek passports on their way into the US. How many have been missed and why are they here? Are they simply seeking asylum or are they here to do harm? I don't know and neither does anyone else, except for the individuals themselves.
On top of all of this is the news that ISIS is actively, aggressively seeking chemical weapons technology. They've already used sarin against their "enemies" in Syria so it is not beyond the realm of imagination that they'll cheerfully use anything they can lay hands on to spread their terror. What if they do something using chemical agents in the Paris metro or in a place like Stade de France or some other place where many people congregate? It's a horrible thought because some of the things I've read about are seriously scary shit. Like agents that are so deadly that if you touch them with bare skin you die. Agents that cling to surfaces for hours or days or weeks and are just as effective weeks after "application" as they are in the first moments.
With all of this, is it any wonder that I'm depressed and anxious?
I don't want to live in an ugly world where going to a public place means I'm packing worry or fear in my bag along with whatever else I'm taking. I don't want to live in a world where I have to strip down and submit to being x-rayed in order to get onto an airplane. I don't want to live in a world where there are a few vermin negating the rest of civilization - and yet that is precisely where we are.
I don't fear that anything is going to happen to me or my family. We don't go to public places very often. We stay close to home and go about our normal lives. We don't travel. We don't do much of anything, really. So we're safe. Reasonably so, anyway.
Beyond that, when I drill down to the bottom line of my life and living, I'm a pragmatist. I know that no one survives life. At some point I will die. It is just a question of when and how. Truth is, I'm not ready yet, so I hope it doesn't happen anytime soon. I have too many plans, too many things to which I'm looking forward to doing to want it end anytime soon.
I have my bucket trip several years from now. Providing, of course, the vermin are controlled. Wiped out would be better, but that's too much to hope for so I'll settle for controlled.
Sooner, in the not too distant future (based on observation and assumption), I have other changes that will take place. My MIL will pass and I'll enter a new stage of life. I will become the "oldest generation" for our family and I have things in the works that are going to make that first a scary and then a hopeful and hopefully wonderful time. It is scary, though, looking to the future I've mapped out. Once I get there and get my sleeves rolled up, it'll be fine. It's just this preliminary time in which it looms overwhelmingly large. It'll shrink as I get closer. At least I hope so.
In the meantime, I'm going about my business and not losing sleep over that which I can't control, anyway. I hope you do, too.
Have a lovely day!
Best~
Philippa
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