Good for Her!

I'm a traditionalist when it comes to disciplining children.  Not all children need or respond to the same approach. Some you can talk to, reason with. Some, not so much.

Seven hours after my daughter was born the nurse came into my hospital room and said, 'Did you know that you're daughter has a temper?'  First introduction to my newborn after we were separated. Great. Within hours I discovered that she not only has a temper, she has a mind of her own. Reason has little to do with things - sometimes more direct approach was needed.

My rules were simple and clear: First, I will ask nicely, 'please stop', 'please don't'. Second, I will tell you, firmly, 'I said please stop', 'I said please don't'. The 'I mean it' was implied - clearly. Third, 'pop', once on the backside.

She's smart, she got it. Most of the time the stink-eye and secondary warning was all that it took. But, she still, like all kids do, pushed the envelope. How far can I take this?

Because of the namby-pamby, 'talk to your children' bullshit of the 90's I was afraid to discipline her in public, but I did it anyway, when she needed it.

I rarely pulled the over-the-knee, full-on spanking my parents gave me when I needed it. I never used a weapon against her, like the dog leash my parents employed on my brother and me from time-to-time. But, when she was acting up in the store or in public and just would not quit, there were a couple of times when a 'whack' was in order. Kind of like smacking the television set or appliance that isn't doing what you expect it to do.

Finally, people are on board with the idea that sometimes corporal punishment is a valid tool in a parent's toolbox.

This incident has gone viral over the internet - and it's a good example of the kind of parenting that is sometimes needed to get sense through the thick skulls of our children:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/local/wp/2015/04/28/woman-called-mom-of-the-year-after-beating-a-young-man-out-of-baltimore-riots/

Do I condone hitting kids willy-nilly for every little thing?  Heck no!  Like anything else in parenting, it's a balance and physical discipline is a tool of last resort, but it is sometimes useful and appropriate.

From what I have read about this woman, a single mother of six living in a pretty rough area of a pretty rough city, she is doing her damnedest to raise her children to be upright, law abiding citizens to whom she can point with pride.  Good for her!

That was my goal for my daughter, and I told her, more than once, 'if you reach thirty and I can look at you with respect, I will have done my job as a parent'.  She beat that goal by a solid seven years - and I am proud of her and of the job that I did, but raising a child is never an easy task. There is always second-guessing, wondering 'was that the right thing to do'. This woman has the challenge times six, because every single one of her kids is a different person, with different needs, and she has to juggle all of them.

What I would like to know is where were the other parents in all of this?  I have read various sources on the internet and it sounds as if there are some issues that might play into the entire scenario and change the landscape quite a lot.  They're not being reporting in the mainstream press, yet, and I don't know whether the sources are honest and true, yet, but a little digging brings up some interesting facets to this week.

First, it seems that Freddie Gray's spinal injury might have been pre-existing.  The Baltimore Sun and others are claiming that he received a lawsuit settlement for lead paint exposure, but when he filled out the court documents, he declared 'auto accident' as one of the causes.  Surely a young man, even if he was a minor at the time, knows the difference between lead paint exposure and an auto accident? Yet the Sun and other papers are pointing to the lead paint Gray's sister says was the basis for the suit.

However, at this website:  http://allenbwest.com/2015/04/bombshell-is-this-the-truth-about-freddie-gray-spinal-injury/ there are images that show that a Freddie Gray of Baltimore, MD was in the process of obtaining a structured settlement from Peachtree resulting from a claim against Allstate Insurance.

Could it have been a claim associated with lead paint? Yes. But then why, as the Sun reports, did Gray claim in court filings that it was associated with an auto accident?  It makes no sense.

Whereas the declaration by the mainstream media that Gray's injury that resulted in his death was caused by the police plays into the media's hands.  Just like the 'hands up, don't shoot' story from Ferguson. It sells papers and creates buzz that isn't resolved.

We may never know the truth about what led to Gray's demise - whether it was direct action by the police followed by deliberate inaction (the latter having been clearly shown, since they did not take Gray to the hospital until it was too late), or whether it was the result of a pre-existing condition that was then ignored.

All I can say, with certainty, is that if there were more parents like Toya Grant, willing to take on their children and keep them from behaving stupidly, this world would be a much better, safer and more stable place than it is.

Good for you, Toya!  You go girl!

Best~
Philippa

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