The Problem With Opinions

We all have them.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one, but I won't go there because it's unpleasant. It's too early in the morning for unpleasant. Not until after I've had my coffee and maybe not even then.

The problem is that they cause problems. You have yours, I have mine and in spite of ourselves, sometimes they tangle. It doesn't make either of us a bad person. It just means we're different people, with different outlooks and perspectives on things.

I'm a nice person. At least I like to think I am. I'm assuming you're a nice person, even if I don't know you. The people I know are nice and some are fun, others are a bit strange, some can be a little 'difficult', but they're all nice. Mostly.

For me being nice means I'm honest. I don't 'throw people under the bus' even if I could or really want to. I don't call names or say mean things about others, unless it's deserved and then I explain why. I will never say one thing about someone to one person and something different to the person about whom I spoke. I might couch it a little differently, but nothing more.

I mean, if I think someone's a jerk and I tell someone else, "I think Someone's a jerk." and it gets back around to Someone and they come to me and ask, "Did you say I'm a jerk?" I might not say, "Yeah, you're a jerk and here's why." Depending on who it is I might say that, if my relationship with that person is strong enough, otherwise I'd probably say something like, "In that situation you were." or "sometimes we're all jerks. That was your time." But I won't deny the having said it.

So I'm a nice person. I'm honest and loyal. I like to laugh and have fun, but I have opinions. They're pretty strong and they're mine and I won't deny them.

I think you probably have opinions, too. You think about things in a certain way. Opinions are a reflection of who we are and how we think. Opinions cannot, in and of themselves, be "bad" as in evil or mean. Because of how they develop, they can be flawed or faulty, but that doesn't make them "bad".


Whatever. Aside from politics and the opinions thereon about which this started and the cesspit I mentioned in yesterday's post, I received a couple of comments on one of my books on Authonomy.

Normally, that's good because it gives insight to someone's opinion about what I have posted, is it good, is it bad, what's strong and working, what's weak and boring.

Except these weren't. There was right next door to zero opinion in them. They weren't helpful. They didn't say 'this is great, but that sucked'. Instead, it was 'I'm reading. I like this.' There was nothing whatsoever of opinion. There wasn't much there at all, actually.

Etiquette there is that if someone reads and comments on your book, it's expected that you will read and comment on theirs. So I did. And I left honest comments - nothing flaming, except that was how the person took it.

I said I liked the title. So far so good. Then I read the short pitch - the little blurb that's usually in the big letters on either the front or back of the book. It's the advert that's supposed to hook you. It was pretty pedestrian and the three characters mentioned all had similar names, which I said might be confusing.

In the end, my opinion is that it needs more work. Paragraph structures are off, too many adverbs, all of the same things I have heard about my own writing. I said what I thought, gave my opinion and did it as delicately as I know how. Unfortunately, I hit a raw nerve.

This person expected nothing but praise. They thought, as I did the first time I posted something, that what they have is sheer genius. I burst their bubble because what I gave was honest opinion. Their feelings got hurt and it went around and I ended up spending more time explaining something that I shouldn't need to explain. But I did because I felt badly.

So there are a lot of opinions that cause problems. Politics aside, personal quirks aside, opinions cause problems so treat them with respect. Be gentle and thoughtful when you express them. Bear in mind when you express them to someone else, that there's a person with feelings and opinions of their own on the other end, so treat them with the respect you expect.

Have a lovely day.

Best~
Philippa

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