On Waiting...

Waiting is hard. I hate waiting.

Waiting while I was pregnant was awful. My daughter was three weeks late and I got to go through that many extra days of aches and misery. Walking was uncomfortable because everything from my waist down was pushed out of shape (she ended up being almost nine pounds – a big first baby). I couldn’t sleep because there was a surgically implanted bowling ball in my belly (that’s how it felt, anyway). At the outset, the doctor had one ‘guess’ for her due date. I said, ‘no, it will be…’ We were both wrong. When she finally deigned to make her appearance, kicking and screaming, I think she actually left fingernail scars along the length of the ‘chute’ as she screamed ‘no-o-o-o-o! I don’t wanna!’ So, yeah, that wasn’t much fun.

This is almost as bad. No bowling ball, no aches, just impatient waiting.

Two weeks ago I submitted part of one of my books to a publishing company. The requirements were three chapters or fifty pages. I went with the fifty pages. I had to write a synopsis – less than 300 words. I did that although, naturally, I second-guessed it as soon as I hit ‘send’. In exchange, they promised to let me know ‘yea’ or ‘nay’ within four weeks and I haven’t heard a word yet. I’m only halfway through the waiting period and it’s hard!

The good news is that I haven’t been told that my submission sucks, that it’s been dismissed. I haven’t been rejected, yet, so maybe they’re looking at it? Maybe they’re debating it? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m waiting. Have they done one pass through all the submissions – it was an open-submission request where writers not represented by agents can submit – and have already notified those who missed because of an error (not submitting per their requirements)? Have they weeded through the second layer – those that looked interesting at first glance and notified them? Are they now in the third stage? Maybe even the final stage? I don’t know. I know they got it. I received an e-mail saying they did. But now, all I know is that I’m waiting with my fingers crossed.

Of course if they ask for a full read, it will have been worth waiting for and I’ll be one happy camper. If they don’t… Yeah. I hate waiting.

Some things are worth waiting for, but I can’t think of what one might be off-hand. Well, on second thought there’s death. Yeah. I can hold off on that one. Indefinitely for the time being since I have no reason just now to welcome it. That’s about it, though.

Oh well, I am going to head into the next two weeks with the assumption that I’ve been denied and will keep going on other things.

I had already decided to self-publish, but that means self-representation, self-marketing, self-everything and that is both expensive and time consuming. It would be easier if I had someone representing me, even if it means that I don’t get 90% of my commissions or royalties. It would be worth it for the first time or two through the mill. Until I build a name and a following. Then I won’t have to spend all my waking hours trying to figure out how to sell more copies of my book.

As for other things, I’m still working on ‘Matters of Friendship’ while, in the background, ‘Genevieve’s Piano’ is starting to stir again. That’s been a while. So long I’m not sure how long.

It got pummeled by the crit group I belong to – justifiably. Mostly little picks but a few bigger ones. A lot of valid points, some I can easily fix, some not so much. But it’s been a while since I read the comments because it was shocking – like a dousing of ice water on a freezing day. I shut down.

Not because I don’t like what I ‘heard’, but because it was so surprising, which it shouldn’t be. It is though. This is my baby, my creation. Of course it’s perfect! Of course it’s the best thing since sliced bread! That’s what I hoped when I subjected it to the group. Then, naturally, reality raises its ugly scaly head.

It’s the third time I’ve been through that particular mill and all three times I’ve ended up shelving the work until the bruises fade and the wounds heal. There is just no getting around it. It is brutal to have ten or twelve of your peers pick apart something you’ve slaved over for a year or more. Even if they approach it kindly, with soft and gentle prompts, it still hurts.

That’s the funny thing about having your stuff read and critiqued. One-on-one it’s easy. With only one person saying ‘I like this, but not that’ the suggestions, nits and ‘no, this doesn’t work’ statements are easier to take. I guess it’s the difference between being beaten up by one person v. a group. It’s easier to dismiss the one but when the group is landing, hard, on the same points… Nope. Harder to walk away from or ignore.

And the funny thing is: I asked for it! I put my book down on the virtual table and said, ‘I’d like you to read this and tell me what you think.’ So to complain about it after the fact is ridiculous. To the point of saying, ‘Here’s a stick, beat me with it,’ and then complaining.

I checked my e-mail again this morning. No word yet so I’m back to waiting. Oh well, la-di-da, c’est la vie.

I need to re-review all of their comments and let them soak in a bit more before I take up the tools again.

Well, while I wait, you have a lovely day!

Best~

Philippa

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