So, last Friday I blew up. I do from time-to-time, and then I usually let it out in words. Sometimes verbally, sometimes on a page. In Friday's case, it was on a page - a virtual page on an internet blogging site. I spoke my mind, said my piece and was ready to walk away.
When one of the other characters in the drama apologized last evening and I saw it (about seven o'clock or so, here), I thanked her. I gave credit where it is due because, as I said last night, it takes courage to admit when we've stepped over the line.
Thinking about it again this morning, though, I have to confess that I sort of misspoke. I said it took courage to admit when we're wrong. However, I need to amend that statement because, in the overall scheme of the situation, she wasn't wholly wrong. Misguided is, perhaps, a better word. She took a bit of fluff more seriously than it should have been. No matter.
I thank her again, today, for taking down what bothered me. I thanked her last night, too, by posting my acceptance on both the thread I had left on the site, and on a new one titled the same as last night's post. However, when I was posting my thanks on the site last night, I noticed a new post on the thread that's caused such controversy. I looked.
'Tag-a-long' posted another picture in the same vein. To me, that's pathetic. It's an obvious cry for attention, the 'me, too!' bellow of an insecure child seeking equal attention. A bit sad, actually, when viewed in that light.
Now, I could restir that pot, but I won't. I'll let it sit and it will, eventually sink to the bottom where it belongs.
But this raises another interesting point. Some believe that if you wannabe anything in this world, you should not blog or opine about anything that might be considered controversial or confrontational on a public forum. Some agent or editor or someone might see it and it might be off-putting. That thought came to me even before I hit the 'Post' button on Friday's diatribe and that got me to thinking.
I've thought about it all weekend, since Friday, and I don't buy it. When someone hires me as a writer, or as an EA or as anything else, they're getting the whole shebang - opinions and all. It's a bit like asking someone, particularly someone of strong will and passion, to stop breathing.
Now, if I were writing apocalyptic nonsense, threats of some kind or some sort of manifesto then, yes, they should absolutely take pause and consider. At that point they should probably call the cops.
I am passionate. I feel strongly about things. I have opinions and I speak my mind. Sometimes I'm wrong or ill-informed, other times I'm not. Sometimes I have to retract or apologize, and I never shrink from doing so - when I think it's needed or warranted. And, based on past experience, I don't think I'm unreasonable in that decision making process. If it's wrong, it's wrong and I can usually see it. If not, whack me over the head a couple of times and see if I can be made to change my mind.
Aside from that, however, before I am a 'wannabe' anything - a writer, successful in whatever I attempt, the best damned EA on the face of the planet or anything else, I am a human being. God or Nature gave me a brain and I've figured out how to use it. For me to sublimate my passions, my beliefs, who I am for fear of hurting someone's feelings or offending their sensibilities raises an interesting question: Who is right in that case?
Have I not the right and freedom to express myself? Or do they (whoever they are) have a greater right to dictate terms about how I live and think and speak?
Within the philosophy of 'Thou shalt not speak thy mind' lies a contradiction. According to that, I have no rights while they have all the rights. After all, if I do write or speak about what I think is right or wrong, brilliant to stupid, they might retaliate by not hiring me or by not buying my books.
If I allow 'everyone' else - probably no more than a few as a percentage of all humanity, really - to dictate terms about how I live and speak and act because I might anger or offend them, what does that say about me? What does it say about the solidity of my beliefs and convictions? If I am so afraid of the opinions of others that I hold back my own, how strong are they? Beyond that, what does it say about how I view myself?
I don't take myself that lightly. I'm not serious about myself, either because
that's too much. But I do respect myself.
It has taken me many years, most of my adult life, actually, to be able
to say that, and to mean it. There's a lot of garbage behind that, but
in the past ten years or so, I have come to respect myself. To think
well of myself, and I am not going to let anyone - not a single person
on this planet - take that away from me. Which I would if I were to
accept the idea that speaking out, plainly and honestly from my point
of view is somehow wrong.
It is an interesting wrestling match, though. Do as "they" say and I betray myself. Do as I want, I risk censure and oblivion (if I were ever to reach a point where anyone is paying attention and they take umbrage). Still, given who I am, the strength of my feelings and beliefs, I would have to turn myself inside out and tie myself up in knots not to speak my mind - and I am incapable of doing any such thing.
So I won't.
I will do as I want, as I feel is right and as I am driven, within the confines of decency and decorum - with the occasional side trip to Vulgarity when the mood / need arises. I am, first and foremost, me. After that I am everything else. Until those roles reverse and I place more importance on the Everything Else than on the Me, I shall continue as I have.
Glad we've straightened that out.
Hope your day is lovely!
Best~
Philippa
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories
Showing posts with label Wrong. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wrong. Show all posts
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Short and To the Point
Personally, and this is my blog so here it is all about me, I choose not to blather on today. Instead, I am turning this over to Lydia Marquez. Four minutes - about the time it would probably take you to read my post - just listen.
Stand up for what's right.
Philippa
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Simple Gifts
'Simple Gifts' from Aaron Copeland's 'Appalachian Spring' is one of my all-time favorite pieces of music.
Following yesterday's post, I kept thinking about it, about what generated it, what I said, what was said to me and blah, blah, blahdee blah-blah. The result of my musings is the conclusion that people are very lucky when others step up and say, 'hey, wait a minute!'
When someone has the courage to do that, it's a gift, a very great and powerful one because it takes courage, a great deal of courage to call someone out. Particularly when addressing someone you don't know, whom you've only met online.
It's a risk, potentially a big one because you don't know how the recipient will react - whether they'll accept or lash back. Even when your intentions are the best, perception is everything in the vacuum of the internet.
And it is a vacuum. Even though the words are sent out into the universe at large, I don't know where they'll land, who will see them, who will care or who they'll affect. Neither does anyone else have that knowledge. So having someone reach back and say, 'that was wrong' or 'that was great' or 'insightful' or anything else is a gift.
Another gift is the humanity and the humility to be able to say, 'you were right, I was wrong, thank you'. I say this in the purest of general terms - not because I was driven to apologize for having a momentary lapse, but because my situation made me think in a broader, all-inclusive perspective.
For someone to have the courage and the decency to look at oneself frankly, to admit when they're wrong is, as far as I know, a uniquely human characteristic. Not all humans have the ability or the willingness to do that - to accept that they're fallible and able to err. Some people I know don't, others do, and that is where the divide falls. That is where the gift is given.
Not long ago I was in a situation where a group in which I was participating was asked to do something and I was the one given the task of implementing it, which I did. A week later, after having done this, we got together again and the leader of our group said 'hey! what's up with this?' in a not particularly pleasant tone. Naturally, I felt as if I was to blame but no one among the larger group stood up for me and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' I was left hanging out to dry and I resented it.
In an ideal situation, one or another of the group who heard the first direction would have stepped forward right then and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' on their own. That would have encouraged another to join in and right the wrong being perpetrated. No one did, though. I bore the brunt of it and felt hurt and angry and resentful.
Afterward, after considering options and possible results, I sent a message back to the two people who I would have expected would be the ones to step forward and say the 'hey, wait a minute'. In my message, I expressed myself clearly and forcefully, I left nothing I wanted to say unsaid (except the swear words which wouldn't have added anything but spleen and rudeness).
From one I got an apology, which was nice. From the other, a step farther.
My message, originally directed only to the two, was sent to the individual who had stirred my pot. I genuinely do not know what the motivation for forwarding my words to this person were - whether they were a genuine admission of having screwed up, or if there was another motive (to cause me trouble).
But no matter because the end result was a gift.
I received, addressed to the entire group who was present, an apology. That took courage. A great deal of courage and of decency, and it's a lesson well learned.
Never be above admitting when you're wrong. Never be above saying 'I'm sorry' because you do not know, you cannot know how what you did or said affects the other person. It might be a little, it might be a lot.
Saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't undo the wrong or remove the sting or cure the embarrassment. It doesn't change the fundamental, but it is a gift and a great one to bestow because it takes both humanity and humility.
I thank, with a full and open heart, the person who pointed out to me my error and I again sincerely apologize for causing offense. I will try to do better. I will certainly do no worse.
Best~
Philippa
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories
Following yesterday's post, I kept thinking about it, about what generated it, what I said, what was said to me and blah, blah, blahdee blah-blah. The result of my musings is the conclusion that people are very lucky when others step up and say, 'hey, wait a minute!'
When someone has the courage to do that, it's a gift, a very great and powerful one because it takes courage, a great deal of courage to call someone out. Particularly when addressing someone you don't know, whom you've only met online.
It's a risk, potentially a big one because you don't know how the recipient will react - whether they'll accept or lash back. Even when your intentions are the best, perception is everything in the vacuum of the internet.
And it is a vacuum. Even though the words are sent out into the universe at large, I don't know where they'll land, who will see them, who will care or who they'll affect. Neither does anyone else have that knowledge. So having someone reach back and say, 'that was wrong' or 'that was great' or 'insightful' or anything else is a gift.
Another gift is the humanity and the humility to be able to say, 'you were right, I was wrong, thank you'. I say this in the purest of general terms - not because I was driven to apologize for having a momentary lapse, but because my situation made me think in a broader, all-inclusive perspective.
For someone to have the courage and the decency to look at oneself frankly, to admit when they're wrong is, as far as I know, a uniquely human characteristic. Not all humans have the ability or the willingness to do that - to accept that they're fallible and able to err. Some people I know don't, others do, and that is where the divide falls. That is where the gift is given.
Not long ago I was in a situation where a group in which I was participating was asked to do something and I was the one given the task of implementing it, which I did. A week later, after having done this, we got together again and the leader of our group said 'hey! what's up with this?' in a not particularly pleasant tone. Naturally, I felt as if I was to blame but no one among the larger group stood up for me and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' I was left hanging out to dry and I resented it.
In an ideal situation, one or another of the group who heard the first direction would have stepped forward right then and said, 'hey! wait a minute!' on their own. That would have encouraged another to join in and right the wrong being perpetrated. No one did, though. I bore the brunt of it and felt hurt and angry and resentful.
Afterward, after considering options and possible results, I sent a message back to the two people who I would have expected would be the ones to step forward and say the 'hey, wait a minute'. In my message, I expressed myself clearly and forcefully, I left nothing I wanted to say unsaid (except the swear words which wouldn't have added anything but spleen and rudeness).
From one I got an apology, which was nice. From the other, a step farther.
My message, originally directed only to the two, was sent to the individual who had stirred my pot. I genuinely do not know what the motivation for forwarding my words to this person were - whether they were a genuine admission of having screwed up, or if there was another motive (to cause me trouble).
But no matter because the end result was a gift.
I received, addressed to the entire group who was present, an apology. That took courage. A great deal of courage and of decency, and it's a lesson well learned.
Never be above admitting when you're wrong. Never be above saying 'I'm sorry' because you do not know, you cannot know how what you did or said affects the other person. It might be a little, it might be a lot.
Saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't undo the wrong or remove the sting or cure the embarrassment. It doesn't change the fundamental, but it is a gift and a great one to bestow because it takes both humanity and humility.
I thank, with a full and open heart, the person who pointed out to me my error and I again sincerely apologize for causing offense. I will try to do better. I will certainly do no worse.
Best~
Philippa
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PhilippaStories
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